The Absurdity of Advanced Yoga Poses

“No white light descends upon us as our head touches our legs, and you most likely will not feel kundalini shoot up your asshole if you can stick your legs behind your head. The enlightenment comes not by getting somewhere further but by loving and accepting yourself just the way you are.”

Bryan isn’t what got me into yoga, but he’s what’s kept me doing it for 15 years (even though I don’t do it as much as I should). He’s a true hero, a generous soul, and a champion for healthy outlooks and a healthy self image.

Happy Friday! Trump is the worst human alive, animal products are terrible for your health and killing the planet, there’s no such thing as “humane” meat, religion is anti-science misogyny, “terf” is a lesbophobic slur, women are female, and millions of orphans need homes so stop making babies.

Like. I recognize that there are some really great people in the world. When I say “everyone’s stupid” I’m obviously exaggerating. Some people are extraordinary. Some people check off all my morality requirements, yet I still can’t seem to connect with them.

Honestly, I’m just… jealous of people who care about existence. Who are so passionate about issues that matter that they dedicate their life to teaching, or science, or volunteering, or some other form of service. I wish I cared that much, but in my mind I’m just thinking “we should probably let humanity die out because we’re a fucking plague.”

Embarrassingly, I’m most jealous of people who are passionate about meaningless shit like careers – because I know they’ll probably end up rich, and I’m shallow. Plus the thought that someone could actually get satisfaction from capitalistic slavery makes me insanely envious because I fucking hate every minute of work. Maybe I wouldn’t hate it if I were back in nonprofit, but there are no jobs in nonprofit for writers, I hate interacting with people, and I’d earn half of what I make now, if that. And as established… I’m shallow.

So instead I just donate to charities and hope that earns me a place in metaphorical heaven?

…anyway happy Monday, I’m trash.

As a writer, I’ve always been embarrassed to admit I don’t read much. I just… don’t usually enjoy it. With some exceptions like Harry Potter and a few others I couldn’t put down, I just don’t often… get into books. I’ve connected with some great non-fiction texts about veganism, atheism, philosophy… and in the past few years I’ve loved listening to lecture series on Audible. My commute is my “reading” time.

But fiction… I never make much of an effort. And it wasn’t until so much later that I realized why.

Every fucking piece of fiction out there is dully heteronormative. And I will never be able to see myself in heteronormative characters, no matter how ~deep or ~complex they are. No matter how ~classic or worshipped the text may be. I’ve come away from some of the most famous books in the world thinking, really? That’s what the fuss was about?

Even the few great lesbian books I’ve read, I haven’t really connected with the characters beyond their sexual orientations. Their personalities never really seemed close to mine.

And that’s… fine, whatever. At least they were gay.

In the end, most books are just another reminder that I don’t really connect with… anyone.

Like. I’m not the way I seem here.

I tip 25% minimum, everywhere, no exceptions.

I put the shopping carts back.

I park in the lines.

I use my turn signal.

I recycle and I don’t litter.

I listen to others talk endlessly about themselves without trying to turn it back to me.

I despise being around children, but I’m friendly to them, and would protect them fiercely if anyone tried to hurt them.

I’m kind to cashiers and servers.

I’m kind to everyone, even those who utterly conflict with my values.

I’ve never sent someone a hateful anonymous message. I’ve never threatened anyone.

My coworkers describe me as kind and helpful.

I pick up worms and other bugs on leaves and help them to the grass so they don’t burn to death on the concrete.

I’m a good partner, a good daughter, and I donate to multiple charities throughout the year.

I don’t yell, I don’t fight dirty, I’ve never thrown a punch, I don’t even think I’ve ever called anyone a name to their face.

I smile whenever I can (usually fake), because who knows if the other person’s day might be worse?

The point of this isn’t to imply I’m a saint; far from it. I’ve got more than my share of faults; especially in my younger years I’ve been a bad friend and a bad ex and a very flawed partner. But I’m not a fucking bitch who goes around yelling and pitching fits because I hate the world. All that is internalized. Yet what must I look like to those on the outside, seeing me only through this blog? I must look like I can’t control my temper, like I’ve never been nice to anyone because of my constant judgment.

The problem with the Internet is that we see people exactly as they are: from one exceptionally narrow angle – and no more.

What we see of them is real, but we don’t see all of them. Not even most. We see a sliver – the sliver they’re willing to show, the sliver that escapes the safety of their keyboard.

Imagine if we had all met our partners on the worst day of their lives, or at their general worst, in rotten moods and angry at the world. Would we have ever given them a second look, a word, a date?

What we see online – or even in a real-life moment – is the tiniest fraction of that person. Let us not forget that each of us is a human being. Each of us has a face, a beating heart, a psyche full of pain and insecurities and fears. An imperfect body. Dreams. Desires.

I’m not implying anything ridiculous like “abusers deserve another chance!” – or, more relevant, that trans cultists deserve our acceptance and support because they’re just so super self-hating and sad – but when it comes to non-abusive human behavior… perhaps we shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

The moment we forget that the person on the other end of the screen is human, is the moment we lose our own humanity.

Yet still, even knowing that, dealing with the current culture of misogyny that I’ve chosen to engage in, makes doing this close to impossible. I recognize fully well that trans cultists are deeply mentally disturbed, have likely been abused in some way, are suffering from intense self-hatred, low self-esteem, horrible self image, and extreme cases of narcissism, all projected onto non-submissive women – all behaviors and mindsets in desperate need of extensive psychotherapeutic treatment. I recognize this. And I do genuinely feel for them. But, perhaps because I am only human myself, I also feel an intense, burning hatred for them because of their abusive treatment of women, their outrageous sense of entitlement, and their utterly irrational, brainwashing lunacy. I think, honestly, what it is, is the fact that they have managed (at least for now) to sway so many liberal sheep to their monumentally horrible ideology – and this only serves to remind me of how stupid and ordinary and pathetic nearly all of humanity is. It reminds me that I am stuck here with these idiots who represent my species – and this only amplifies my lifelong struggle of trying to patiently exist alongside a world full of fucking morons – and that these morons are the ones making policy, dictating the rules for my life. These are the ones in charge of my freedom, my opportunities, and ultimately, my quality of life.

And the idea of this is so intensely angering that I can barely cope.

In a way, it’s even worse to think about carnists – and theists. Carnists are around 99% of the world’s population. They have all the power. They represent humanity. They control our future. Their behavior is considered 100% normal and acceptable in human society. While I have to sit here, silently, knowing how horribly, violently wrong they are – knowing most of them don’t even care.

The world is run by power-hungry monsters and ignorant imbeciles (these two do not often preclude one another). It’s a fact. And we have no control. And that is the biggest source of my anxiety.

How do we do it? How do we keep going, day after day, knowing the truth about our world? Knowing how fucking stupid everyone is, and how unlikely it is that we’ll ever see a significant change?

Is it enough to breathe in, breathe out, accept, repeat?

Is it?

Every day I have moments where I think… what do heteronormative, meat-eating, church-going breeders even have to argue about with each other?

Like… what do they find to dislike about each other?

I would kill for some company with people who recognize that breeding is a shit thing to do, exploiting animals is a shit thing to do, women everywhere are oppressed, and believing in god is fucking retarded. (Yeah, retarded. It’s my blog and I don’t have to be politically correct. Bite me.)

Like. I wouldn’t care if they were ~ironically into country music, or if they only wore potato sacks on Tuesdays.

I just want people who see reality like I do. Like it is. And who don’t contribute to the shit that’s making the world worse.

I am baffled by how normal people don’t all just get along. Like, you all have the same, stupid, pathetic, shallow ~morals and values. And you still find shit to start wars about? Pathetic. You have NO idea how easy you have it, fitting into what the world wants you to be. No fucking idea. And don’t give me that “everyone is unique” bullshit because we all know it’s not fucking true. It doesn’t fucking matter that you have a ~special art talent or that you’re really skilled at coding. That “uniqueness” doesn’t matter. Almost everyone is ordinary and pathetically conforming where it counts. Almost everyone pays people to murder animals because they like the taste. Almost everyone abusively imposes theistic horseshit on innocent children. Almost everyone upholds gender roles and imposes them on children, whether consciously or not. Almost every man is utter garbage and most women fully permit it, enforce it even – on their own fucking sons. Almost everyone is making the world worse.

The end! Thanks for coming to my TED talk (yep, grossly overdone but I haven’t done it yet so there it is).

Summer solstice last night… this was at nearly 21:30! ☁ ☀ 🌙

People who actually want trans-IDing people dead and actually commit violence against them: homophobic men, religious extremists, Westboro Baptist

People trans cultists claim commit violence against them and want them dead: feminists